Dear Stellar Teacher: How can I take personal days without feeling guilty or overwhelmed?

Sara

Hey there, Stellar Teachers! Welcome back to another episode of The Stellar Teacher Podcast. Today, we’re bringing you another edition of our monthly segment, Dear Stellar Teacher. This is the part of the show where we get to have a more casual conversation about what’s happening in education, answer listener questions, and talk about things that matter to you. One of my favorite parts about this segment is that I get to be joined by my wonderful co-host, Emily, so we get to have one of those fun coffee chats.

Emily, welcome to the show! Excited to have you on today, as always.

Emily

Hey, Sara! So happy to be here once again. You know that this podcast is such an important part of my weekly routine, so it’s just extra, extra special when I get to join you.

Sara

Absolutely! So before the show, I had to chuckle a little bit. Emily and I were messaging, and she said, I’m so excited for tomorrow’s episode, but I need to find another word for excited. And I was like, I’m excited about everything! If I think about it, I feel like every time I record a podcast, I’m excited. Every time I write an email, I’m like, I’m so excited! There’s a lot of excitement here at The Stellar Teacher Company.

Emily

Yeah, we do! We might need to find some synonyms for excited, but yes.

Sara

I just feel like if I say something like I’m ecstatic or I’m thrilled, I don’t know… it just doesn’t roll off the tongue the same way.

Emily

I know! I was experimenting. I’m pumped to be here today!

Sara

Yeah… it just doesn’t sound the same. So just know that when we say we’re excited, it’s not just a generic word we overuse. We genuinely are excited!

So before we jump into our question today, let’s do a quick check-in and have a little book banter. What are you reading, and are you enjoying it?

Emily

So I just finished—I guess it was a romance book—I just needed a bit of a palate cleanser, something light and easy. It was Girl Abroad by L. King, and it was so cute! I listened to the audiobook version. I kind of do this thing where I listen to the audiobook during the day, but at night, I read the Kindle version. The audio version was fantastic because the main character goes to London, and her flatmates are all British, and one of them is Australian. The narrator nailed the accents, and it was just so fun to listen to. So I definitely recommend that one!

I’m also in the middle of Onyx Storm by Rebecca Yarros, and it’s so good! What about you, Sara?

Sara

I was just about to say—I just finished Onyx Storm! I have mixed thoughts about it, but I feel like I’ve been on a big fiction kick lately. So, kind of like you, I needed something different as a palate cleanser. I downloaded a nonfiction book that I’m listening to on audio—it’s called Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg. I’m only about 20% in, but I’m finding it really fascinating. It’s basically a collection of case studies and stories about how we can become better communicators. It talks about how humans crave connection, and we get that through communication. And I’m like, Okay, I’m a boss, I’m a wife, I’m a friend—I communicate in all of those roles—so let me learn how to be a better communicator!

So far, I’m really enjoying it. If you’re looking for a good nonfiction book, it’s an easy and engaging listen.

Emily

You know what? I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on that book. I’m sure you’re going to share more about it with us.

Sara

Oh, I will! I’m going to become a supercommunicator, so you’ll definitely hear all about it.

Emily

That’ll be awesome!

Sara

Okay, let’s jump into today’s question. I really like this one because it touches on something other than literacy. Obviously, we talk a lot about literacy on the podcast—we’re a literacy company, and supporting literacy teachers is our passion. But we also recognize that there are so many other facets to teaching beyond having excellent literacy content knowledge. So I love when teachers email us asking about those other aspects of teaching, especially because I feel like these are things you and I can have really great conversations about.

So here’s the question we’re discussing today. Someone wrote in and said: I know personal days exist for a reason, but I always feel so guilty taking time off. It feels like more work to plan for a sub than to just push through, and I worry about my students falling behind. Do you have any advice on how I can take personal days without feeling like I’m letting my class down?

And I feel like this is a two-part question, and I can totally relate to this teacher. I was the kind of teacher who would rather go to school sick than write sub plans. I refused to take personal days because I didn’t want to let my team down. I knew it would be a burden for them—all of those things.

I feel like this is really a two-part question, right? There’s the guilt aspect of it, and then there’s the how do we actually take time off part. So let’s start there. Why do you think teachers feel so guilty about taking time off? And did you feel that way when you were in the classroom?

Emily

Did I feel guilty when I took time off? Absolutely! And I’ve been thinking about this a lot since reading this question, and I think so much of it comes down to the culture of your school, your administrator, and the chatter among your coworkers. That plays such an important role in how we feel about taking time off.

Whenever I was sick, I remember some of my darkest days—like having strep throat—and I still felt guilty about calling out.

Sara

Oh, and did you have to find your own sub?

Emily

Yes! Thank goodness, in my last couple of years of teaching, they finally introduced a system for that. But before that, I remember firing off text messages to substitutes: Can you sub today? Can you sub today?

Sara

Right? It’s like, Okay, I could put in four hours of work to prepare for taking eight hours off, and that just doesn’t seem like a good return.

Emily

Yeah, and I know this might trigger you, but I’m super excited to get your thoughts on this from an administrator’s perspective too!

Sara

Haha! I was going to say, my perspective on taking time off completely changed when I became an assistant principal. Like I said, I was always that teacher who didn’t want to take days off. I felt bad about leaving my students. I felt bad about putting the burden on my team because, even if I had a sub, my team was still going to have to step in and provide support. I felt bad because I knew my students would be missing out on academics. There was just a lot of guilt.

And as a people-pleaser and a perfectionist, I thought, Nope, I’m not taking any days off. I very rarely did.

But then I became an assistant principal, and I had only been in the role for two or three weeks when my husband and I had a trip planned—a trip we had had on our calendar for a long time—and I needed to take a Friday off.

It just so happened that this particular Friday was a big event at school—I think it was the character book parade or something like that—so there were going to be tons of parents on campus. It was an event where, from an optics perspective as the new assistant principal, I should have been there. And from a logistical support perspective, I should have been there.

I remember talking with the instructional coordinator at our campus—we were kind of friends—and I told her, I’m really nervous because I need to take this day off for our trip, but I don’t think my principal is going to let me. I’m really nervous to ask if I can have the day off. Maybe I need to cancel my trip.

And she stopped me mid-conversation and said, Sara, you are a grown woman. You do not need to ask for permission to take one of your days off. Your personal days are part of your compensation package. You don’t need to ask if you can use them.

She told me, You can be professional about it and say, ‘I’m taking this day off, and here’s what I’m going to do to make sure my presence isn’t missed and everything runs smoothly.’ But you don’t need to ask if it’s okay. You simply say, ‘I’m taking this day off,’ and you prepare accordingly.

And her response shocked me because that was not my mindset at all. I had always thought of it as asking to have the day off, like a little kid asking for permission to have a snack.

Emily

This coworker of yours is my hero. We need someone like her at every school because amen—that is wonderful. I’m so happy she said that to you because it’s so true.

Sara

It really is, and it completely changed my perspective. I realized, You’re right—this is part of my compensation package. I think I had something like ten days off, and by not taking those days or feeling guilty about it, it was almost like asking, Can I get my paycheck? It’s like, no! We would never question receiving our paycheck.

So since then, my whole perspective has shifted, and I started spreading that message to other teachers. Whenever a teacher on my campus came to me—since I was their supervisor—and asked, Can I have this day off? I would tell them, You don’t need to ask me. You tell me you’re taking the day off, and you prepare accordingly. You don’t need permission.

I understand that’s a cultural thing at some schools, but here’s the thing—I told my principal I was taking the day off, I didn’t ask, and he was completely fine with it. I think we build up this idea in our heads that administrators are going to say no, but in reality, most of the time, they don’t. Now, I know that there are schools where the culture makes it difficult—if there’s no sub available, for example—but I also believe that teachers can play a role in shifting the culture on their campus to make it more acceptable to take their well-earned days off.

And I think it starts with recognizing that you don’t need to ask for permission. You can simply say, I’m taking this day off, and you don’t have to give a reason. Then, communicate the professional steps you’ll take to prepare for it.

Emily

I had a feeling we were going to have some overlap in what we wanted to say, and we definitely do, because I completely agree—the culture around taking time off is so important.

I’ve had two different principals, and I saw firsthand how much of a difference that made. Here’s a quick story. My husband and I were supposed to get married in April 2020… so we all know what was happening in April 2020. My original plan was to schedule my wedding around spring break—take a few days off before, get married, and then use spring break for our honeymoon.

Well, obviously, that didn’t happen. We had already paid for everything, though, so we were able to push it back to October 2021—about a year and a half later. But in that time, our school had an administration change.

My first principal had been invited to my wedding. He was excited and happy for me. He fully supported me taking the time off. But when the new principal came in, it was a completely different experience. I suddenly felt like my time off was being scrutinized, and it was looked down upon that I was taking personal days—especially since I was backing them up against a holiday.

Now, I know some districts have policies where you can’t take time off right before or after a holiday, but this was different. It wasn’t just about policy; it felt personal.

Sara

And that’s what’s so frustrating. I’ve heard teachers share stories like this before, and it’s just ridiculous. The fact that you were getting married and your principal made you feel guilty about taking time off for your wedding—that shouldn’t be a thing. Teachers should never feel guilty for taking personal time, especially for something as important as their wedding.

Emily

Yeah, I put in my request through our system—we had a pretty basic Google Doc system for submitting time off. And then I got an email that just said, Come see me about this.

And I immediately felt so anxious. Same as you—I’m a people pleaser, so just that one-line email sent me into a panic.

Sara

Oh my gosh, yes, that would totally stress me out.

Emily

Right? And again, I think a huge part of this comes down to administration’s mindset and the mindset of your coworkers.

We all know that there are some people who take advantage of the system—people who are always calling out at the worst times. But I encourage you, if you notice someone doing that, shift your mindset away from judgment. Instead of speaking negatively about it, be mindful of how you talk about taking time off, because your coworkers are listening.

Be the person who encourages your colleagues to take time off when they need it. Be like your coworker who told you, Sara, you’re a grown woman. These are your days.

That mindset shift makes all the difference.

And I will say, my first principal modeled this in the best way. Every year, he took a ski trip, and he made it clear that time off was important. His message was: Your life is happening right now. Maybe your kids are young right now. Maybe you’re healthy right now. Maybe your family is healthy right now. You can’t wait until retirement to take all your days off.

And I respected that so much.

Sara

I think, too, that not every teacher is on a campus with a principal who has that same mentality. And it can feel really difficult to be the outlier, right? If your principal is like your last one, saying, Come see me about taking time off for your wedding, it can make you hesitant to take personal days.

When teachers are in that situation, they need to take a step back and gain perspective. This is your current situation. This is your current administrator. Yes, you may feel like the outlier on your campus in terms of your perspective on time off, but it won’t always be like this. Even if it creates a difficult situation now, to your point, you can’t wait to take time off—you have to live your life.

And sometimes, that means making the difficult decision to say, No, I’m taking time off. What are they going to do? There are teacher shortages everywhere. They’re not going to fire you. Not to make light of it, but truly—teachers should not feel guilty about taking personal days.

It irritates me that no other profession requires employees to put in as much prep work just to take a day off or makes them feel guilty about missing a day. So I really want to encourage teachers—let’s get rid of the guilt. Remind yourself that time off is part of your compensation package. If you have personal days, use them whenever you need to.

Emily

Yeah, I think that really summarizes my first point—change your mindset. And model that mindset for others, too.

But to get a little more practical, my biggest piece of advice is to lean into your routines. If you need to take a personal day or a long weekend, being proactive with your routines will make everything so much easier.

If you have established daily routines—which I really hope you do (and if not, start now!)—then when you’re out, your students will already know what to do and how to do it. Whether it’s classroom procedures, transitions, the sentence-writing routine, the paragraph-writing routine, or any of the routines inside our whole group lessons, having these in place before you’re out just reduces confusion and keeps the class running smoothly.

And think about how easy your sub plans can be—just leave a note that says, Continue with day three of whatever it is.

Sara

Exactly! And if you’ve built a strong routine, you can even have students help. You could write in your sub plans, Have Jackson lead the class through the sentence-writing routine, and they’ll know what to do.

Emily

Yep! Obviously, that takes some frontloading and effort early on, but ultimately, you don’t need to feel guilty about taking a personal day. And if you do get sick—which, let’s be real, we just made it through January and February, where everyone was sick—then making sub plans becomes so much easier because they’re built around those routines.

Sara

I love that suggestion. And honestly, I didn’t even think about it when I was prepping for this conversation!

Emily

I’m so surprised! I really thought that was going to be our overlap.

Sara

I know! And it should have been!

Emily

I know—because you’re the routine queen!

Sara

We talk so much about how important it is for teachers to use routines, and you’re right—it makes everything so much easier. But one thing I think can be really helpful, from a practical standpoint, is to lean into your team. Utilize your team.

Especially at the start of the year, having a conversation like, Hey, we all know that at some point during the year, we’re going to need to take time off, so let’s make it easy for everyone. If you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours—that kind of thing—can be really beneficial.

And if you’re on a grade-level team with multiple teachers, consider creating emergency sub plans as a team. You take writing, someone else takes math, another person takes science, and so on. When I taught fourth grade, there were five of us on our team, and we had a shared set of emergency sub plans stored in our planning room. If someone was going to be out, they just grabbed a stack of those plans, put them on their desk, and they were good to go—no writing or last-minute planning required. It hardly took any time because we prepared them at the beginning of the year.

So if you can find someone on your team to help with this prep work, whether at the beginning of the year or even now—since we’re still in the early part of the semester—you’ll set yourself up for success later. That way, when you need to take a day off, it’s not a ton of work.

And honestly, that’s one of the reasons we have sub plans inside The Stellar Literacy Collective. So many teachers say it makes it so much easier for them to take time off because they don’t have to write the sub plans.

As much as we’d love to think that when a sub is in our classroom, everything will carry on as normal, the reality is that it depends so much on the sub. I had some subs who showed up and didn’t do anything I left for them. My plans would be sitting exactly as I had left them, and I’d ask my students, What did you guys do all day?

Emily

You know what? They survived.

Sara

I know! And that’s the thing, right? We have to let go of the control and realize that if we’re taking a day off, our students just need to be safe, engaged, and supervised. If it’s not the most academically rigorous day, that’s okay. It’s one day—it’s fine.

So really leaning into your team, prepping materials ahead of time, and supporting each other can help create that culture of support. And for teachers who may not have a big team, or if you’re at a smaller school and you’re the only teacher at your grade level, guess what? There’s a fourth-grade teacher, or a second-grade teacher, or someone on your campus who would probably love to collaborate with you. You can help each other, and when one of you is out, the other can step in as a liaison.

Recognizing that this doesn’t have to be a solo effort can make taking time off feel a lot more manageable.

Emily

100%. I always say that teaching is a team sport. And sometimes, a teammate needs a day off—that’s when the team steps in. I really hope our listeners have that kind of support at their schools.

Sara

Yes, for sure. And another thing I was thinking about—this is actually something you say all the time, Emily, and I thought it was important for teachers to remember, too—it’s this idea of protect your peace.

At the end of the day, you are the only one responsible for how you feel, and that’s more important than anything else. If you feel guilty about taking a day off, remember—you’re responsible for how you feel. You can change your mindset. You can shift your perspective so that you don’t have to feel guilty.

Taking personal days, sick days, and prioritizing your well-being are necessary for professional success. If that means you need to take a day off, then take the day off. Don’t worry about what people think—just take care of yourself. We don’t need to go through our workdays feeling tired, exhausted, and burnt out. We can protect our peace.

Emily

I was so worried when you said, This is something you say all the time. I thought, Oh no, what do I always say? But okay, that’s actually a great piece of advice—protect your peace.

And something one of my friends always said was, You have to put your oxygen mask on before you can help others. It goes along with that mindset—if you need to take a sick day, take a sick day.

I had an administrator once who told me, If you need a mental health day, just say you have an appointment. I don’t care if it’s a hair appointment—it’s an appointment, and that’s that. And while maybe that’s not the ideal way to handle things, she was a big advocate for You need to take care of yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup. And I really appreciated that.

Sara

Exactly. I wish more administrators had that mindset.

So, teachers, maybe share this episode with your admin if you’re at a school that doesn’t have that kind of culture. I know so many teachers can relate to the teacher who wrote in with this question.

Hopefully, you were able to take away something from this episode—whether it’s a mindset shift or a practical strategy to help you feel more empowered to take time off when you need it.

Thank you for tuning in, as always. We know your time is precious, and the fact that you choose to spend it with us means so much. If you ever have a question or a topic you’d love for Emily and me to chat about, send us an email or reach out on Instagram. We love hearing from teachers—whether it’s how the podcast is helping you, encouraging you, or ideas you’d love for future episodes.

So until next month, Emily, we’ll see you then. And listeners, I’ll see you back here next Monday.

Emily

Hope you have a great month!